Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Why I will never be a childrens' book author

I have this (not so) secret dream of writing picture books. My 3 year old loves princesses and ballerinas as well as dragons and aliens and dinosaurs and robots. It's hard to find many books that combine stereotypically girly motifs with stereotypical boy motifs (stupid mean Patriarchy and the gender binary!). Yes, there are some awesome books out there but for every Do Princesses Wear Hiking Boots there are tons of regularly gendered books. Anyway - I spend a lot of time making up stories for Kaylee at night and someday I'm going to get them all written down - at the very least for my girls but my narcissism likes to tell me that the wider world needs more books about Robot Princesses and such.

Anyway today I found myself in need of a good brain doodle earlier so I started writing out the story of the dinosaur ballerinas.

As you can tell from the T-Rex in a tutu above, I will need an illustrator. An illustrator who isn't me. You know what else I will need? To stay away from my radical feminist dogma when writing a ridiculously awesome story about dinosaur ballerinas. It started out well enough with Prehistoric Prima Donnas Prancing Prettily. Then it became all about body issues and how dance magnifies every little flaw. The Apatosorus has a beautiful and graceful look neck but oh that posture. Stand up straight, Appy! The Tyrannosaurus Rex has beautiful posture but when she tries to hold her arms up in fifth position they were much to stubby for proper grace.

Teacher always comments
On Apatasaurous's graceful neck
"but such posture, Mon Cherie!
Stand up straight, your spine's a wreak!"

Now Tyranosaurous's posture
Makes Madam clap with glee
"But those arms, Mmselle Rex," she glowers,
"Elongate, please!"

It rhymes! Ish.

Don't think the publishers are going to jump on this one!


Lyn said...

Go ahead and include your radical feminist dogma! It is impossible to write a dogma-neutral book, especially a children's book. Sounds like entertaining feminist dogma to me! Remind me to send you my version of the Three Little Pigs, where they have a rock band and overcome the wolf with a consensus decision-making process.

Abby said...

(Have you read BRONTORINA by James Howe? Cute!)

PS: My word verification word is totally "quaffl" !!!!!!